Dreamin' for Real...

So it's been a while.  Life is busy and this year I promised I would slow down a bit and do things that are just for me.  One of those things is blogging.  It helps me to put my thoughts out there to the universe using the web in the hopes that maybe someone reading it can relate.  I read a lot of blogs and sometimes I come across something that helps me in tremendous ways. It also allows me to vent and to write, both of which help me to deal.  Here's what is on my mind today...

My Granny B went home (Heaven) two years ago this month.  Her physical absence from my life hurts so much sometimes that I'm just not sure I'll survive.  She was the matriarch of our family.  She was my second mom.  She was the person who kept me informed about what was going on in my extended families lives.  She was the person I called to ask about a recipe.  She was an avid reader just like me and when she would call she always asked what I was reading.  And really this list could go on forever...

Ever since her death she visits me in my dreams occasionally.  We are usually sitting in her living room.  She sits in her chair and I sit in Papa J's chair.  When I look to my right I can see the hallway that led to the bedrooms.  When I look to my left I can see the lamp sitting on the end table that separated the chairs.  I can see the TV Guide, her tissues and her people magazine.  She holds my hand and I can feel her thin skin and see her perfectly manicured fingernails.  We don't speak to each other but just sit in silence and hold hands.  I can literally feel her hands.  When I wake up I am usually on the verge of tears.  Sometimes I cry myself to sleep.  Sometimes I can't even cry.  But I always thank Jesus for allowing the visit.  Even if it's always very brief.  Those dreams comfort me and I truly believe that Granny visits me because she knows I need her to. 

I imagine this grief that I feel prepares me for what will eventually come.  While I cannot imagine life without my parents, my siblings, my husband or my kids, I know that we are exactly what God said we are..."but a vapour."  While I long for Heaven and pray for Jesus to come quickly, living without those we love hurts....for real. 

I really love getting older mostly because of the wisdom and selflessness it brings but sometimes it also sucks.  As much as I miss my Granny, I cannot fathom how much my dad misses his momma.  This will someday be my reality to face.  I just hope and pray that they visit me in my dreams too. 

So here's to dreamin' for real...feelin' for real and "real"izing that each moment with those you love is a gift...make it count people!


Jules